


Never to touch and never to keep

by Queenofthebees



Series: A-Z Jonsa Kink Challenge [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: A-Z Jonsa Kinks challenge, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, But everything still happens, Exhibitionism, F/M, Half-Sibling Incest, No Smut Happens, Pre-Canon, Robert comes North a couple of years later, Sort Of, but suppose exposing genitals is sexual enough to count lol, really sort of cousin incest though obviously wink wink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-06 19:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13418400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: He told himself time and time again that they had never touched each other. As if that could make their sin less painful to bear.Letter E (Exhibitionism) of A-Z Jonsa Kinks Challenge.





	Never to touch and never to keep

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Let Her Go by Passenger
> 
> Like Jon is such a bastard. I keep giving him numerous stories in which to happily bang Sansa. And the bloody bastard is like "noooooo gimme issues man, give me guilt and despair!" Honestly, just once Jon you could ask not to wear a condom or something!

He told himself time and time again that they had never touched each other. As if that could make their sin less painful to bear.

If anyone were ever to ask him, Jon would not be able to say just how it had escalated so far, how they had let themselves succumb to their desires. All Jon knew was that it seemed he had been struggling with his shameful bastard lust for months, trying to avoid looking at Sansa for fear that she or anyone else would see what he was thinking, what he wanted so badly.

She had become a woman, her body filling out from a girl to a woman. He felt sick with how much he had noticed the changes, how radiant she looked almost every day. And if that weren’t bad enough, when she had an argument with her mother about lemon cakes of all things, Sansa had decided spending time with Jon was the best way of rebelling.

At first, Jon had avoided her due to knowing that he was being used in such away. And the fact his bastard cock seemed intent on ratting him out whenever she was near. Yet, eventually he had run out of excuses and they had ended up spending more and more time together.

The first time she saw him naked had been an accident. She had come through the Godswood with Arya at the exact time he was pulling himself from the Springs.

Arya had laughed, tossing his breeches blindly towards him as she turned away. Sansa, however, blushed a pretty pink and her wide eyes dropped down, down, down.

Of course, Arya was still too young to notice or care about boys but Sansa had been obsessed with romance her whole life, her interest in marriage increasing with each passing day. 

And it wasn't Arya's voice asking if he was decent that made him pull his breeches on in desperate tugs but the fact that as Sansa's eyes widened at the sight of his cock, the traitorous appendage had twitched with interest.

He had ran back to his chambers, not even having putting his shirt on. When he leaned back against the door he tried to tell himself it didn't matter, that they would both forget in time.

But as he drifted to sleep, his dreams were flooded with her blue eyes and how much he wanted to see her emerge naked from the pools.

The second time, there was no pretending.

She came to his chambers one night, unusual in itself. But her flushed cheeks and wide eyes had given him even more pause. Before he could ask if she was alright, she had pushed him backwards and slammed the door shut, turning to slot the bar across.

She stood for a moment, one hand pressed to the door. And Jon swallowed, highly aware of her thin shift that allowed him to see her skin beneath, highly aware of the fact he only wore breeches himself. She turned then, teeth biting into her lip and Jon wanted nothing more to replace them with his own, to kiss her until her lips are swollen, to hike up her shift and touch her where she would be hot and wanting. But he knows he cannot, knows they can never cross that line even if it is his dearest with, and he suspects, hers too.

"Jon," she said softly, her eyes travelling to meet his own. "I want..."

"We can't," he cut her off. He had to say it now for if he waits, if he allows her to give her own permission he knows there would be no stopping himself. "Sansa. I won't touch you. You are to wed the Prince."

"I don't want him!" she replied, her head tilting down as her arms folded around herself.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. _For not being able to stop this, for not being able to give you what you want, for letting this happen._ He took another deep breath as he shared his own news. "I will be going to the Wall with Uncle Benjen when he leaves."

She blinked in shock, her head shaking and her lip trembling. "No, Jon, please!"

"There is nothing here for me," he explained. _There was never even you._

"We will be parted then," she mumbled, taking another shaky breath as Jon nodded. She squared her shoulders suddenly, chin tilting up. "Then give me this."

"Sansa..."

"I will leave here as a maiden still," she promised. "Just....please Jon, trust me."

His fists clenched shut, his eyes in quick pursuit. He was on the edge, so close to falling, so desperate to kiss her, touch her, lie with her. When he opened them again, she was staring at him, fingers toying with the laces of her clothing. One part of his brain screamed at him about how wrong this was, reminded him that she was his sister. Half, the other side countered, as though that made a difference. The same part of his brain reminded him that nobody need know, nobody but them. And when he is freezing and lonely on the edge of the world, when he has made his vows, he could think back and remember that he had this much.

"Okay," he whispered, turning towards the bed. She followed, her footsteps as soft and gentle as the rest of her.

She sat gingerly on the edge of his bed and Jon paused, stepping backwards towards the window ledge. She blinked, her head tilting in confusion and Jon cleared his throat.

"I would not wish to tempt things," he explained gently. She stared for a few beats and then nodded. She took a deep breath and then looked back up at him.

"Will you think of me when you are on the Wall?" she asked. 

"Of course," Jon replied. She hummed, looking down at her hands and her cheeks are a beautiful pink once more.

"How will you think of me?" she probed, looking at him through her lashes. Jon frowned but before he could answer, his voice caught in his throat as she shifted backwards on the bed, her spread feet planted on the furs. An inhuman whimper escaped him as she lifted up her shift, revealing that she had no small clothes on and instead his eyes were treated to the view of her cunt. "Will you think of this Jon?"

"Yes!" he groaned, unable to tear his eyes away even as his brain screamed that this was not right. She inhaled, thighs parting further and spreading her open for him. "Seven hells Sansa!"

"I wish I could give you more," she said, her voice choked with threatening sobs. "I wish we could be together. But I want you to be the first to see me and to know that you are the first man that I wanted to see me."

Jon clutched the window ledge behind him, panting helplessly as his cock pushed against his breeches. Even from this distance, he can see her folds glistening, her patch of red hair catching in the candlelight. Jon wanted nothing more than to drop to his knees and kiss her there. She slowly leaned up again, her thighs closing and a sad smile on her lips. Jon lowered his eyes, for if he were to look at her now, to see her desire and need as desperate as his own then he would no longer have any restraint.

"If I were not your brother," he whispered as she stood. "If we were not siblings, I would have loved you a thousand times. I would take you from the Prince myself."

She gave a small laugh, stepping towards him to place a hand to his cheek. "You are no Targaryen Jon Snow."

 

On the Wall, he told himself time and time again that they had never touched each other as if that could make their sin less painful to bear. And at first it had. Sansa had remained a maid, he had not given in to his bastard nature. But as the months passed, when father was dead and Robb raised the banners, when Arya was missing and Sansa a captive, he told himself time and time again that they should have.


End file.
